批改過的My Home Is Far From the School
My Home Is
Far From the School
My
home is far
from the school,
so
if I want to be[E1]
in time for
school , I must get up
early. We have
four classes in
the morning and
after lunch we
have forty minutes for a short
nap. I concentrate
[E2] in
class and am busy [E3] taking
notes in order
to review after
class. The school
ends at four-thirty,
but I stay at
school to readbooks
and do not
go straight home.
In order to
pass the college
examination, I go
to a cram
school. When I
come home, I
am exhausted[E4] .
[E1]You could also say ‘because I am always on time for school’
[E2]Usually we say ‘concentrate on something’ – ‘I concentrate on the
teacher’. But because you can also use this verb without an object and then you
don’t need the ‘on’.
[E3]Because you have the ‘ing’ on ‘taking’ you don’t need the ‘to’ here.
[E4]Wow! What a busy and tiring life! Keep up the great effort to
achieve your dreams. You’ve done a good job with these two essays and your
meaning is clear and easy to understand. The best advice I can give you is to
pay attention to the form of the words you use. Notice when a word is a noun, a
verb or an adverb or adjective. If you can remember all the forms of these
words, it will become much easier for you to write smoothly.
[E4]Here you can say ‘as early as possible’ or you can say ‘as early as
I could’.
[E5]For some reason Taiwanese teachers always teach students to say ‘take
exercise’, but no one where I’m from says that. We usually say ‘got some
exercise’.
[E6]‘pursuit’ is a noun and ‘pursue’ is a verb. Don’t mix them together.
[E7]Here you can use the adverb ‘mentally’ to get your point across more
smoothly.
[E8]It’s not clear if you are finished with this year yet or not. I
guess this time has already passed so we should use past tense.
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