批改過的A Terrible Walk Home

A    Terrible    Walk    Home

Betty   and   Simon   were   very   close   classmates   who  kept   no   secrets   from   one   another.  

Yesterday   they   talked   to   each   other   happily   as   usual   after   class.   They   put   their   school   bags   by   their   sides   where   they   swung   freely   and   easily.   Then,   suddenly   Betty   walked   into   a   large,   heavy   rock.   She   was   very   sore   and   yelled   out   to   Simon.   Simon   heard   her   and   worried   about    her   safety,   so   he   immediately   looked   over   and   his   eyes  widened.  

By   then,   Betty   had   by   then   fallen   down   the   road.  She   was   fine,   but   her   ridiculous   panties,   which    had   a   big   red   heart   in   the   center,  were   seen   by   Simon.   He   just   could   not   help   laughing   at   her.    Betty   was   so   angry   when   she    stood   up.   She   picked    up     a   small   stone   and   threw   it   at   Simon’s   head.  Ouch!   Simon’s   head   hurt   a   lot.   They   definitely   were   no   longer   close   friends   after   that   incident!

General Comments:

·         Be aware of when you can join two short sentences into one – see first sentence for example.

·         In a short piece of writing such as this, try not to repeat words or phrases e.g. ‘each other’, ‘sore’.

·         The spacing between words and lines is quite large. It would be better to reduce word spacing, unless it is a style you like.

·         Please try to not use contractions, such as ‘can’t’, unless someone is speaking.

·         ‘….stretched his eyes’ doesn’t make sense, but have written what I think you mean.

·         Always check your spelling after writing – there are a few mistakes.

·         ‘Knicker’ is an incorrect word here. You need ‘panties’for American English or ‘knickers’ in British English.

·         Overall it is mostly understandable – a very embarrassing walk home I would say!