老師批改過的Fanny

                    Fanny

      My  name  is  Fanny.  I  am  thirty-two  years  old.  I  come  from  Tainan,  Taiwan.  I   can  speak  a  little  English,  Japanese,  and  fluent  Chinese.  I  am  short  and  a  little heavy.  My  hair  is  straight,  black  and  short.

       I  am  a  dependent  [E1] person.  Sometimes  I  am  a  responsible   person.   I   am   a  soft  person[E2] ,  and  I   study  hard.

       My  casual  dress  is  long  pants,   red  glasses,  a T-shirt,  and  a long  sleeved shirt[E3] .  [E4] My  skin  has  a  lot  of   black   spots.   They  are   caused  by  sun.  My skin often burns in the sunlight .  so  [E5] I  must  wear  long  pants  and  long  sleeves  to  prevent  my skin  from  becoming  [E6] black.

       I  like  skating,   sking,   and   swimming.   And  I  like   go  on   the  Internet  to  play  games.  I   [E7] read  reference   books   every   afternoon   and   every  evening.

       I   aim  to   enter  [E8] the   university  in  Tainan,  which   has  good  teachers  and  good  equipment[E9] .  I   want  to    become   a   nutrient[E10]    doctor.   I  will  work  in  a hospital  in  Tainan,   or  keep  studying  nutrient   [E11] science[E12] .

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 [E1]I wonder if you mean ‘independent’? ‘Dependent’ means you depend on other people a lot.

 [E2]‘Person’ is for only one and ‘people’ is for more than one.

 [E3]I added this because I thought you mean a long-sleeved T-shirt, but I guess you mean a long-sleeved shirt over a T-shirt.

 [E4] This ‘because’ doesn’t connect to anything so I took it out.

 [E5]This connects to the previous sentence so we can put them together in one sentence.

 [E6]‘become’ is the verb and ‘became’ is the past tense. There is no such word as ‘becaming’.

 [E7]We don’t need ‘usually’ and ‘every’ together – one of them is enough.

 [E8]‘entrance’ is a noun. We need the verb ‘enter’ here.

 [E9]‘equip’ is a verb. We need the noun ‘equipment’ here.

 [E10]You could also say ‘nutritionist’.

 [E11]You could also say ‘nutrition science’.

 [E12]All in all this is a nice introduction with a clear structure. Your grammar is pretty good, but be careful about your spelling. Do you have a spell check on your computer? It can help you find spelling mistakes. Keep up the good work and good luck with your nutrition studies! : )