批改過的An Embarrassing Bus Ride

An   Embarrassing   Bus   Ride

One   day,   Steven   took   a   bus   as   usual.   Then,   an   old   woman   took   the   bus   while   he   sat   in his  soft seat.  The   old   woman   took   a   cane     and   walked   exhaustedly.   Steven    sometimes   took   the   priority   seat.   It   was   Steven’s   bad   habit.   Then,   he   listened   to   music   with   his ear-phones   and   was   happy.

After   that,   the   old   woman   didn’t   find   any   seat   to   sit.   She   was   angry   and   told   Steven   to yield   to her.   Steven   was   sorry   and   embarrassed   for   his   fault,   so   he   stood   up   to   yield to  her.   But   the   old   woman   was   still   angry   because   Steven   wore   his   ear-phones  and   didn’t   seriously   listen   to   her   complain.   Then,   Steven   hurried   up   to   take out the   ear-phones   and   looked   over.   Steven  didn’t   have   anything else   to   do   but   freeze.

Comment: I think is a good writing. Yu didn’t make many mistakes and the story flowed well. I would encourage you to be more creative though. Don’t be afraid to give the story some funny, interesting parts, even if it isn’t realistic. Have fun with it!